teenage angst parade

yang is one of the most sunshiney persons i ever knew - as in sobrang tamis, pramis!  nakasabay ko lang siya sa gate ng greenland.  nagulat ako nung binati niya ko dahil busy akong nagmumuni-muni about serious things in life (i.e., kung ano kaya ang almusal pagdating ko ng bahay, ilang araw pa kaya bago ang sweldo...) ang ngiti ni kuya mo, abot langit. hangkyut inferness.  parang cartoons!

anyway, kaya lang ako natuwa at nakita ko siya - di dahil sa binayaran niya ang pamasahe ko sa tricycle (pero kasama na yun) - kundi dahil napangiti niya ko nung araw na iyon.  feeling ko masyado na ata akong nagiging seryoso sa buhay at wala ng panahon maghanap ng masaya sa maliliit na bagay.  di tulad niya, punong puno ng positive vibes na parang di nauubusan ng energy.  kinamusta niya ko at kinwentuhan.  meron pa siyang mga tips na binigay tungkol sa.... - well, secret na lang yun, hehehe.  gusto ko makita ang baby niya.  tuwang tuwa siya habang nagkukwento.  invite ko nga yun sa birthday ko, total naman malapit lang bahay nila sa'min.  ang saya niya kausap - para akong nagkahangover dahil kahit nakababa na siya at nakauwi na ko, nakangiti pa din ako.  nakakahawa pala talaga yun.

masayang makasama ang mga taong ganun.  they effortlessly make life easy. 


sana lahat tayo ganun na lang.  e di sana mas okay ang takbo ng lahat ng bagay.


naks.

yun lang po. bow!

magagalit ka kapag nalaman mo.

magagalit ka sa tatlong tao.


una. magagalit ka sa kanya.
dahil napunta sa kanya lahat ng inaakala mong makukuha mo.


pangalawa.  magagalit ka sa akin.
dahil nagiba ang takbo ng lahat ng bagay nung nagdesisyon ako.


pangatlo.  magagalit ka sa sarili mo.
dahil alam mong wala kang ginawa at wala ka ring magagawa para mabago ito.



maraming salamat sa pag-amin mo.  kaya lang masyado ng huli para makinig pa ako.

i am happy.


and i am okay.


no worries.


i thank you for everything.

will you lose your right to cry if there are people who have more unfortunate lives than you do?

been listening to some songs...and i chanced upon this.  wala lang. mushy and all but it's touching. hahah...arte ko.

she's another two years older
and she's three more steps behind...


does anybody hear her? by casting crowns

had my hair done. mahogany.  won't get the pierce anymore. 

i missed my friends.  i hope to see them but i've been unnecessarily busy.





and i hope someone would call just to say 'hi'.

i looked at the mirror, turned a bit to the right and said, "let's get your third pierce done this payday."

then i noticed the racoon staring right into my face. i know i have the quit the smoky-do so maybe i'll try to experiment on another shade by monday.  no big deal, i only have my lashes to flaunt.

i have picked up a good book last night - screwtape letters.  i was seeing a lot of myself in screwtape's descriptions of wormwood's patient.

which means - the Enemy has been doing something all along.  He is not angry anymore and maybe He has somehow thought that taking me back is something good after all.

i pray He still has the patience He had ever since.

He kissed my lips
I taste your mouth
He pulled me in
I was disgusted with myself

Cause when I'm with him
I am thinking of you
Thinking of you
What you would do if
You were the one
Who was spending the night
Oh I wish that I
Was looking into...

You're the best
And yes I do regret
How I could let myself
Let you go
Now the lesson's learned
I touched it I was burned
Oh I think you should know

...Oh I wish that I
Was looking into your eyes
Looking into your eyes
Looking into your eyes
Oh won't you walk through
And bust in the door
And take me away
Oh no more mistakes
Cause in your eyes I'd like to stay...

she's with mommy now.

i hope both of them are safe.













say hello to cebu for me.  love you much!

we do not meet accidentally.

the coming and going of people in our lives have such significance we do not often realize.

and to tell the truth, they come in perfect timing.  never a minute late.  never a minute early.











*  *  *

i thought morpheus was my worst drug.

i was wrong.








how can you quit something you have never really taken?

natagpuan na ang mapa.














sa wakas, makakauwi na.

...by the way, next time you will tell me SHIT...do it in front of me, okay?  thanks.


I was walking when I read it.  That second lasted like forever that I almost prayed for a reckless driver to hit me and end it.  I swallowed hard so I could stop myself from crying for it was never convenient to do so in a crowd.

I admit I have said too much last night.  I was a brat ranting endlessly from too much exhaustion and desperation, given that the alcohol had not even gotten up my head.  What more could I have said?







I guess what I really wanted you to know is:

There is always this fear in me that we would be waking up one day realizing that it is time to let go.  And I guess I do not know how to cope up after that.

morpheus is back.















can someone tell me what to do?

i found out that to love is not easy.












HAKUNA MATATA.

and we finally admit that this is really not easy.
but i hope we can be this way for as long as we can.



just stay there.










please.

hindi ko naman alam na seryoso pala nung sinabi mong maghintay lang ako.  asar. malay ko ba? ayan tuloy napapaisip tuloy ako.  gusto ko sana mehn, kaya lang... masyadong malaki ang katumbas ng pagsagot sa tanong mo.  di ko ata kayang igive-up ang tanging bagay na meron ako - pride.  pero mehn, ang pride ko ay kumakatawan na ngayon sa isang tao. hindi siya basta-basta nalilimutan.  


sabihin mo? anong gagawin ko sa'yo?

I don't know what I've done
Or if I like what I've begun
But something told me to run
And honey you know me it's all or none

There were sounds in my head
Little voices whispering
That I should go and this should end
Oh and I found myself listening

'Cos I don't know who I am, who I am without you
All I know is that I should
And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you
All I know is that I should
'Cos she will love you more than I could
She who dares to stand where I stood

See I thought love was black and white
That it was wrong or it was right
But you ain't leaving without a fight
And I think I am just as torn inside

And I won't be far from where you are if ever you should call
You meant more to me than anyone I ever loved at all
But you taught me how to trust myself and so I say to you
This is what I have to do

'Cos I don't know who I am, who I am without you
All I know is that I should
And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you
All I know is that I should
'Cos she will love you more than I could
She who dares to stand where I stood
Oh, she who dares to stand where I stood


missy higgins. where i stood

...Dreams get you through the hard times... AGNES, Running With Scissors

mas gusto kong sabihin - dreams give you the hard times.  sabi ni Cathy, nung kumuha ako ng DAP psych test ay optimistic ako...hahaha, saan nga ba nakukuha ang optimism?

Happiness is whatever you want it to be...

narinig ko 'yang song na 'yan nung bata ako...at nung time na yun pinaniwalaan ko 'yan ng husto.  hmmm...ngayon pa rin naman.  pero hindi parati.  happiness is whatever.  period na pagkatapos. 

hahahaha....umeemote na naman ako.  hindi naman maulan.





* * *

sana mapanood mo yung "Love Me if You Dare..."   naalala mo ba yung time na tinignan mo 'ko sa mata at sinabi mong, "di ko alam kung anong gagawin ko sa'yo..."  eto. may naisip ako.  yung last part ng pelikulang ito...ayun, p're.  hindi nakakatawang matabunan ng semento at mabaon dun...pero kung kasama ka...ayus lang... weird ba? - pero may mas tamang term dun....lam mo kung ano?  forever. 

woohhooo....'steg.



* * *

....sabihin mo lang... hindi ako magdadalawang-isip. 




* * *

natatakot ako dahil nararamdaman ko na siya sa malapit... parang multo.  parang panaginip....lahat ng elemento ng mga bagay na hindi totoo...


at dahil sa multong ito....ay parehas nating katatakutan ang pagpatak ng alas dose.
...baket walang paraan para pigilan ang oras?
sino bang umimbento ng baterya ng alarm clock?  pwedeng patayin na natin siya?




wag mo 'kong yayakapin ng mahigpit - baka isipin kong iyon na ang huli.


huli. huli?  deym.


* * *



gusto kong maging kaibigan ka hanggat kahit hindi na uso ang konseptong iyon.
peksman. hope to die. cross my heart. no period. no erase. may lock pa.


* * *

sabi ko ayoko sa trabahong 'to...pero dahil sa tinuro sa'kin ni tl ice at mommy ghe -  hehehe, eto ako ngayon...malapit na anniv ko. isa lang sukli sa "f***ng hard work" sabi nila - isang malupet na quarterly bonus at promotion. ay...dalawa pala yun....hmmm....i can smell it - wala. chos lang!


* * *

sa ngayon kinikilig ako... bukas hindi ko alam. depende...

persday ni mommy cora later sa team esca.  mamimiss ko si tl chai...kahit sandali lang kami nagkasama, sobrang na-attach na ata ako.






auf widersehen.






p.s.    sayang, wala ng deutsch lessons with her.

kong mag-blog.







hahahahaha.